Searching 4 guidance and light

Salaam all

I am new to the forum and would like to send my warm salaaams to you all.

I have a dilemma and was hoping if you could provide any feedback. It would be very much appreciated.

I have recently lost a dear family member and they were still quite young (in their 20's) and it has really shocked me. Ive been having problems with my faith and connection to Islam regarding my prayers and some grey areas of which I have some questions and now i am really scared because I keep remembering my cousin who has just passed and how young he was and I keep thinking I might die at any second and I need to reconnect and find my way back to islam.

Its this urgency to get guidance on my deen that has made me really start to take the step/desire to find out more about my deen islam and why im not focusing on my prayers. I feel that th devil is trying to make me question my faith but i know im only confused due to a lack of knowledge. I have not put in enough effot to learn about my deen as i have on my dunya knowledge and this upsets me because seeing my cosins lifeless body has made me really wake up. This dunya is just a dream and the afterlife is the real world.

soooo this urgency has made me want to learn more about my deen, instill in me sincere belief and find truth. I truly believe in Allah SWT and His oneness, I belive in Prhophet Muhammed S.A.W and al the other prophets, however, i lack in knowledge and this makes me question some stuff i.e. surah Nisa on the hitting of wives- does this comply with my women rights views? So instead of letting shytaan make me question Islam, of which I KNOW is the truth as it makes sense than any other faith and is the most fair, instead i want to learn more and educate myself.

Im really scared that I could die with this shaky feeling of piety and belief that I have and that I will be in hellfire. I really wanted to be guided and have prayed to Allah swt to guide me but fear that if i die on this state that i will face tremendous horror. its with this fear that I need help to be directed to the best way to start learning more about islam in all areas that will help me establish a better understanding of the complex/much debated.controversial areas and also on the core areas of belief. I guess i just want some assistance/direction from any of you guys in regards to how to best way to go about this is? How can i start this journey because Im confused.

I fear for my afterlife and need to find guidance and light. Any help would be very much appreciated.

xxxxx