im a muslim brother and i just seem so lost and dont enjoy life at all because of things that i have done and keep doin. i dont know how i got into this, i cant even remember how it started. i swear by allah's name i would have left her long time ago if she wasnt my family. but i love her so much and look at her with caring eyes but my love for her aint greater than my love for allah but i love her more than anything in this world. i would even take a bullet for her and always hopin she doesnt die before me so she can get a chance to repent but its not her fault at all its like its meant to happen. i was young and she was quite young aswell, the fact that i broke her virginity cannot leave me. and i promised her on allah's name that i will never leave her and that i will always be there for her. even if anything happens between me and her that i will always stay with her never ever marry anyone. the story is kinda complicated. but i worry so much i dont know what options i would leave her if i ever leave her. my whole face gets washed in tears sometimes when i think anything bad about her shes just my heart and i dont feel anything else about other girls i would rather be alone than being without her coz i know what she will go through. many nights i just lie down on my bed, and by any chance allah,s thought runs through my head i wont stop crying. and thinking what im gonna say to allah even makes me cry more. i dont know how to explain my love for allah. i believe in allah so much that i would think about allah most of my days and nights im becoming crazy you can say. i consider myself worthless and i dont have love for this duniya at all. but i just cant leave her, i cant even stay for a day without seing her. i care too much about her. i dont like seeing her in pain. i know people might find this disguisting but im being honest i dont know what to do. and if your sayin leave her i cant do that either. you can say i cant stay without her. everytime i think, what am i gonna say to allah? tears wash up my whole face. please help